For me, where I am today, the things I think I’ve learned, have come to understand, or at least accept, seemed to take me a long time to achieve – at least according to the calendar. It doesn’t seem that long according to my internal sense of time. I’m sort of wondering if sometime soon I’ll wake up and find that I’m really somewhere in my, say, early 40s or thereabouts. How did fifty-plus years go by and only in recent times arrive at a place where I have a sense of purpose and place, and a measure of contentment in those things?
What have I been doing all this time? Why has it taken me so long to get here? Now my emotional response to this involves some iddy-biddy twinge of panic about how little time is left! Damn! I suspect that if I had a ten year coupon handed me which gives me back ten years, I’d still have the same feeling lurking back there somewhere.
I mean, come on! When I look at my life and list out what I’ve done, it wasn’t as if I was doing nothing! But it seems like it took a long time to do those somethings, even if many of them were important somethings. I mean, I married, raised a family, was an active church-going man, held responsible jobs and worked diligently to build some vague notion of a future. And all the while the meter was running and I was largely unaware of this at some in-my-face level. Days blurred into weeks; then years added up to decades and there I was – 50. And now, mid-fifties! And the meter keeps running, even as I’m writing about it.
While I may lament the days in this or that detail, I’ve come to see that the man I’ve become required the ebb and flow of life to create him. Seems like there were no shortcuts to be taken. So, today, the bonehead you see is less of a bonehead than he once was – as hard to believe as that is. Now that has to count as one of those important ‘somethings’ in life.
About the Author: Master Hobbit