Anyhow, I’ve caught myself thinking these days about my life. Actually, I do that nearly constantly as a matter of routine. But in particular I’ve noticed that when I come to the end of a work week and realize that I have no plans to go out for the evening, or the whole weekend for that matter, that I am okay with that. Or, I’m sitting in front of my laptop on that same Friday or Saturday night and realize that this is what I’d prefer to be doing on this particular evening.
This attitude is a bit of a switch for me, and one that has been going on for a year or so now. In my first couple of post-divorce years, it was the norm for me to nearly always have plans – eating, movie, or carousing. Either my buddy and I were out, or I had some date, or a gal friend and I would go out for some fun. But there was something. Socializing was a priority.
Ultimately I was ‘trying out’ quite a few women to see if I could find that life partner I was sure was out there. I figured all I had to do was get out there and find her. You won’t find her sitting in front of the television. And, frankly, I still think that basic approach is the right one.
I enjoy a woman’s company. I’ve come to appreciate women – their differences and similarities. How they like to talk is interesting, and I’m amused at how they can ramble on about things in infinite detail (do they REALLY remember all that detail?). I like the physical closeness of a woman, holding hands, sitting beside each other in the restaurant, touching, flirting, and intimacy. And when I’m particularly attracted to a specific woman, I like spending lots of time with her.
So, it would seem like I should ramp back up to the earlier full-court press I was on in order to find that special one.
But wait. I’ve also noticed that I do enjoy many aspects of living and relating with just me, myself, and I. I like not having to explain myself to someone. “What did you do today?” “I watched five straight hours of NCIS reruns while eating a whole bag of Garden Salsa Sun Chips… and peach cobbler alamode… in my sweats and ancient house shirt with the half-torn sleeve. And I didn’t take a shower either. And combed my greasy hair straight back in my mafia look.” Yeah, I like that.
I also like the whole couch to myself. I like taking up the whole queen-sized bed, sleeping on any side that strikes me. I like not having to call someone, or having to go shop for a gift for someone.
I basically work seven days a week – willingly. I’ve got a lot going on. Probably too much going on. No, scratch that – I DO have too much going on right now.
That may explain why I’m relationally on low-effort mode – I don’t really have time for another ‘job,’ which relationship-building is. I realize it takes effort, attention, time, and money, things I’ve come to realize I’m not ready to give much of. And I simply don’t care enough about a particular person to invest much. I suspect that if I did, I’d invest.
I was willing a year or so ago, but not today. I wonder if this is a temporary condition. Or is it a case where the longer one is single, the more comfortable one becomes with his singleness?
About the Author: Master Hobbit