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Rethinking Friendship

April 30, 2011   •   By Robert Agnello

Posted under: Relationships


The hardest thing to do in life is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.


When there’s an argument or some discord between two people it's so hard for either side to look at the situation from the other’s perspective.


Forgiveness is also hard to deal with when a rift is raised between friends. Seeing the others point is extremely hard when our eyes and souls are filled with anger or revelation. Yes revelation. When a friend brings up feelings that have been buried it can be extremely hard to deal with. These incidents happen all the time.


How many people in your life have you cut out because you never took the time to consider their point of view or that they brought up something that made you rethink your life or your commitments?  How many friendships have been lost because the other person was being honest with himself, and to you, and was telling you something you just didn't want to hear? Maybe they were speaking words of love and concern but you just heard criticism or jealousy.  If you could really be that person what would you see in you?


When you divulge intimate details of your life you should expect reactions from the people who love and care for you. You may not like what you hear but what you should be listening to is the love and care that they deliver. The message is irrelevant. If the words they speak evoke depression or unease then you need to look further into your life not cut that friend off because what they say creates some chaos in your life.


If you don't want a reaction to things from friends don't talk about sensitive issues. Keep them buried and don’t open yourself up to the challenge but that is not how we grow. We grow by opening up to the people we trust and love and listening to their point of view. Not necessarily following what they say but by digesting the words and coming to our unique conclusions.


You may find that the best friends are the ones that challenge your life. It turns out that the ones who really love you are the ones who push you and make you see things in yourself you would never see. These are the people and relationships you should pull closer and keep safe.


Look at your life. Who have you pushed away because they were so concerned by what you have told them that they were willing to sacrifice their friendship to tell you the truth. Because they stirred the pot of your life and what was cooking didn’t taste at all good to you. Made you question things. Can you say that you were honest with yourself and with these friends?


I do not judge anymore. Or try not to. I really try to listen and give my advice as I see it. But that’s my advice. If a friend is talking about a personal problem I will give them a truthful response. If they don’t want the truth, what the truth is to me, then I think they should not tell me personal situations or problems they are having. I don’t pry I just react.


The worst thing is being a third party to a conversation between two friends and judging either party without hearing both sides. We do this all the time. I have been guilty of this but I’m trying really hard to avoid the pitfalls of being the wheelchair general in any altercation between friends.


If you have cut someone out of your life re-visit that situation. Call them, forgive them and forgive yourself for not seeing the love and concern they had for you.


This was originally an Easter message but I think it can pertain to everyday of the year.   Happy holidays everyone. Forgive and open your eyes to the true love that’s around you. It’s not always pretty but it is always beautiful.

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About the Author: Robert Agnello

Emmy award winning artist. Stand up comic. Musician, graphic novelist, comic book writer, dog rescuer, father, husband, toy collector, environmentalist and all around good guy.

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