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Lying about My Age and Other Things I’ve Stopped Doing

March 04, 2011   •   By Master Hobbit

Posted under: Mind

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Lying about My Age and Other Things I’ve Stopped Doing

Yep, as the title says, I stopped lying about my age.  I’m tempted to feel good about myself over that little dealie, but the fact is that it is indeed harder for me to lie about my age today than in times past.  I mean, what’s the point, right?

 

The real reason for this virtuous ‘spurt’ is more disconcerting, however.  The fact is that I’m having a harder time REMEMBERING how old I am! 

 

I somehow got mentally stuck at 55 years old and when I want to tell someone how old I am, I have to catch myself before I speak, pause, and consciously think about it.  I passed that 55 mile marker some time ago, but somehow the internal database has failed to update this in my mental ‘rolodex’ of important-facts-to-remember.

 

Anyhow, you know the rolodex-facts we’re supposed to remember - birth date, social security number, kids’ birthdays, mailing address, phone number, bank PINs, email passwords, etc.  Wait!  I’ve long since given up trying to remember email accounts and passwords as well.  It doesn’t help that I must have somewhere around a half-dozen of them by now.

 

I’m fearful that one day soon I will forget my ATM PIN and be stuck standing there, in front of the ATM machine, line of people waiting behind me, on ATM camera, staring at the keyboard, and nothing to type in.  Gads!  What a great day that will be!

 

There’s real reason to believe it will happen soon.  I have a pile of evidence building that indicates that there’s some slippage in the old transmission and it is downright disturbing at times.

 

Exhibit A. I live in a small apartment.  The farthest distance from this desk to any room in this space is less than 15-20 steps.  Yet, I can decide to go to another location in the apartment, go there, and when I get there not know why I’m there.  I stand there looking around the room wondering why I went with such purpose to a location in which I apparently now want nothing.  Think ATM machine.

 

I go back to my desk, the dining room location from which I manage my empire, and then recall what I wanted from that room.  I get up immediately and briskly go to the room to get what I wanted before I forget again why I’m there – which could in fact happen again.

 

Exhibit B.  I’m at the day job and in a conversation I have with a colleague I promise to email him immediately upon returning to my office the information to which I agreed to send.   By the time I get to the office I have forgotten what I promised and am working on something else and Boom! an hour later I remember what I’d promised.  On some days this happens multiple times!

 

The good news, I do remember what I was intending to do ….eventually.

 

But look, timely responses are important to maintaining the perception of competence.  I mean, I might be one step away from my kids getting me certified as incompetent to manage my affairs!  “Look, judge, he doesn’t remember why we’re here.”  “He doesn’t even know how old he is!”  “He writes stupid blogs about how he’s losing his mind…”  Whoa! 

 

I’m thinking about a fall-back plan.  I’m thinking that I could text message what I want from that room to myself while at my desk which would pop up on my phone by the time I get to that room.  I do check messages regularly.  Can I text message myself?  I’ve never tried that.  Anyhow, that’s an idea.

 

Preparation.  Planning.  Very important when you have the possibility of embarrassing yourself.  Imagine the scene at the ATM machine.  What’s plan B?

 

And before I go for today, and for the record, at the time of this writing I’m 56 years old.  Wait!  I think that’s 57….hold on hold on…be with you in a moment….



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About the Author: Master Hobbit


Master Hobbit is the creator of 4060men. After a marriage of over 30 years ended in divorce, he journeyed for over 5 years as a single midlife man. He remarried in 2012. He is also the owner of the blog platform, Silvrback.com, and a blog platform review site, blogplatformsreview.com.


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