Posted under: Relationships
First dates do get easier with practice, but they still can be a tough show. I guess anytime we’re thrust into a new situation there is going to be a certain level of anxiety, and yes, awkwardness.
It is the same for the woman and all she’s hoping is that we’ll prove not to be an absolute downer in the whole affair. No pressure, huh. But, aside from that first date jitters aspect, is it possible for me to read her as to how the first date is going? There probably are some clues. Let’s look at couple of things that might give us a sense as to what she’s thinking.
1. It’s in the eyes. Most women think they can read a man through his eyes. Whether they can or can’t is irrelevant; they think they can. So, if you can’t hold a steady gaze into her eyes, or she has a hard time looking you in the eyes, something is not clicking. At least early on in the date, if each of you is interested in the other (presumably why you are having this date!!), there is a focus on the other. If later in the date, you notice that eye contact has weakened, that she is easily distracted, looking around the room, fiddling with her glass or silverware. Well, might be time to ask for the check.
2. It is in her facial expression. When she likes what is happening with you, her face reveals it. There are affirmative responses to your voice, to the conversation. She will start to relax and her expressions may become playful, even flirtatious. She giggles, eyes are more engaged with yours, and perhaps more animated as she feels comfortable with you. Loss of interest is reflected in less expressiveness in the face.
3. It’s in her posture. The body joins the facial expressions to affirm interest in and comfort with you. She leans forward when she speaks and when she is fascinated with what you’re saying. If she is closed or closing to you, her arms may be tight to her side, often with hands in her lap.
4. It’s in her use of her hands. Most women use their hands to express themselves. The more freely your date uses them, the more comfortable she likely is with you, and that she is enjoying the experience. Her hands will be on the table and she may even reach across to touch briefly your hand or arm when she’s relating an incident or laughs at your humor or story. These are generally positive and spontaneous expressions toward you.
5. It’s in the words she chooses. A woman who is interested in a man, especially as they get past the first moments of awkwardness (usually helped by a glass of wine), she may well respond with affirmative phrases to what you say or do. “That’s so funny.” “You’ve got to be kidding!” (with a smile and more animated expression to match) “Tell me how you did that!” All expressions that are well beyond “Uhhuh.” “Mmmm.” and “I see.” The latter ones are all death by the way, especially if they are the primary verbal expressions.
6. It’s in how she concludes the date. Yeah, I know, we’re supposed to conclude the date. You know, walk her to her car, open the door, etc. But how the evening ends has a lot to do with her signals, in response to you, of course. There is a difference in her saying, “Thank you for the dinner” and “I really had a great time this evening.” In the latter, it is an invitation for you to affirm the experience or not. If she lingers before getting into her car, this may signal openness to you, for a hug or perhaps a quick kiss.
There’s no silver bullet sign for a first date. Some relationships take a couple of dates to unfold, but most times it seems it is clear in that first encounter. It is not one sign that tells the story, it is the coming together of several that lets you know that you’re either in, or out. We are in fact in the business of reading the signs, like it or not.