Mr. Manners Online

Posted under: Lifestyle, Relationships

Mr. Manners Online

The great news about online dating services is that you get to ‘bid’ on a lot of women with very little effort.


The bad news about online dating services is that you get to ‘bid’ on a lot of women with very little effort. You know, send 10 winks to 10 different women in about a minute. Man, our own personal eBay! Just wait and see if you win.


Online dating allows us access never before possible. That’s great! The problem is that there is a tendency to become sloppy when it comes to treating gals like people instead of one object among 16 on a page. It seems we need to find a balance between efficiency and good manners. Let’s check in on a couple of areas that we might need to reflect on a bit.

  1. Send an email. While sending ‘winks’ is fine, it does reflect a minimal level of effort. And since women, especially attractive ones, get way more traffic than we men do, your email sets you apart. And a message that shows some serious thought and originality puts you in a class by yourself. So, where do you want to be, one of a mob, or in the first-class lounge?
  2. Respond to emails. Relative to women, we men tend to get far fewer views of our profiles and fewer messages from women. Fact of life, it seems. It is good to answer emails for a couple of reasons. In the case of lack of interest, it is good practice to communicate your lack of interest in a gentle and positive way. Secondly, our timely replies tell the woman that you not only received her message but that you appreciate her sending it. It takes a lot for a woman to send an email – they still expect men to do that.
  3. Don’t send a message after you’ve been out for a night on the town! I SAY AGAIN, don’t send a message after you’ve been out for a night on the town! I cannot tell you how, uh, stupid that turns out to be 99% of the time – and boy I should know! Gads! We think we’re sooooo clever after a few drinks. Many suggest that we should have a breathalizer put on our computers to keep us from DOWI (driving online while intoxicated)!! GREAT IDEA!!!! The other trouble is that all the gals look better at that point in time as well – creating a separate problem.
  4. Stop while you’re behind. This advice seems counter-intuitive. There is something about us men that is admired by women and exasperating to them at the same time – we don’t know when to quit! Women are usually so diplomatic, not wanting to hurt our feelings in the rejection email. That is nice, since we are a bit more fragile ego-wise than we care to admit. But, we also misread the ambiguous tone to mean that we should try harder. It’s as if the brick wall of her heart is really pudding and that all we need to do is back up a few more steps and ram that thing harder, and even launch more missiles over the wall for extra measure. How can she resist such gallantry! Uh, trust me, she can. It’s called ignore you, or worse, block you. Basically, move on. Touch base in a month or so, if you must, and see if there is a different response.
  5. Brevity is a virtue. Online communication is not the date nor is it a business meeting where you’re trying to close a sale. You are trying to get to a first meeting. Reserve a bit of mystery for those first dates, not to mention you’ll need content for conversation when you do meet. At one point I had put so much information on my profile, in succinct memo style, that when a woman would ask me about a part of my life I was tempted to refer her to volume 1, section IV, paragraph 3, of my profile for that information. I think that was a problem! What reason did she have to actually talk with me?

Online communications are a challenge to begin with. It’s so easy for a reader who does not know us to misunderstand our message. We want to meet them. Take a look at the article "Online Profile Do’s and Don’ts" for additional hints on this subject.

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